Posts Tagged ‘Andrew Harvey’
Crying For God
“The Gift Of Tears”
~ Ron’s Memoirs
“Jesus wept.”
~ John 11:35
“As a [thirsty] stag longs for flowing streams,
so longs my soul for thee, O God.
My soul thirsts for God,
for the living God.
When shall I come and behold
the face of God?
My tears have been my food
day and night.
~ Psalm 42.1-3
“The fruits of the inner man begin only with the shedding of tears.
When you reach the place of tears,
then know that your spirit has come out from the prison of this world
and has set its foot upon the path that leads towards the new age.”
~ Isaac of Nineveh, 7th C. Orthodox Christian Saint and Mystic
“Crying to God for five minutes is equal to one hour of meditation.”
“The state that we attain by calling and crying to God
is equal to the bliss that the yogi experiences in samadhi.”
~ Mata Amritanandamayi (Ammachi)
“There comes a holy and transparent time
when every touch of beauty opens the heart to tears.
This is the time the Beloved of heaven is brought tenderly on earth.
This is the time of the opening of the Rose.”
~ Rumi
“When the tears course down my cheeks,
they are a proof of the beauty and grace of my beloved.”
~ Rumi
“There is no liquid like a tear from a lover’s eye.”
~ Rumi
“There is a sacredness in tears.
They are not the mark of weakness, but of the Power.
They speak more eloquently than ten thousand tongues.
They are messengers of overwhelming grief and unspeakable love.”
~ Rumi
“Do you want deliverance from the bonds of the world?
Then weeping profusely, you will have to cry out from the bottom of your heart:
Deliver me, Great Mother of the World, deliver me!….
When by the flood of your tears the inner and outer have fused into one,
you will find her whom you sought with such anguish,
nearer than the nearest, the very breath of life, the very core of every heart….”
~ Anandamayi Ma
“The soul would have no rainbow if the eye had no tears.”
~ Native American proverb
What soap is for the body, tears are for the soul.
~Jewish Proverb
“There is a palace that opens only to tears.”
~ Zohar (source of Kabbalah)
“They that sow in tears shall reap in joy.”
~ Psalms 126:5
“Weeping may endure for the night,
but joy cometh in the morning”
~ Psalms 30:5
“Man is like an onion.
When you peel away the layers,
all that is left is tears.”
~ Rabbi Nachman of Bratslav, Hasidic master
“He who loves me is made pure; his heart melts in joy.
He rises to transcendental consciousness by the rousing of his higher emotional nature.
Tears of joy flow from his eyes, his hair stands on end, his heart melts in love.
The bliss in that state is so intense that, forgetful of himself and his surroundings,
he sometimes weeps profusely, or laughs, or sings, or dances;
such a devotee is a purifying influence upon the whole universe.”
~ Srimad Bhagavatam 11.8 (Lord Krishna to His disciple Uddhave)
Q. “Under what conditions does one see God?”
A. “Cry to the Lord with an intensely yearning heart and you will certainly see Him.
People shed a whole jug of tears for wife and children.
They swim in tears for money. But who weeps for God?
Cry to Him with a real cry.”
~ Sri Ramakrishna Paramahansa
“When the child refuses to be comforted by anything except the mother’s presence, she comes.
If you want to know God, you must be like the naughty baby who cries till the mother comes.”
~ Paramahansa Yogananda
“You know, if you weep before the Lord,
your tears wipe out the mind’s impurities of many births,
and his grace immediately descends upon you.
It is good to weep before the Lord.”
~ Sri Ramakrishna (to Sivananda)
“When, hearing the name of Hari or Rama once,
you shed tears and your hair stands on end,
then you may know for certain that you do not
have to perform such devotions as the sandhya any more.
Then only will you have a right to renounce rituals;
or rather, rituals will drop away of themselves.”
~ Sri Ramakrishna
‘Where does the strength of an aspirant lie?
It is in his tears.
As a mother gives her consent to fulfill the desire of her importunately weeping child,
so God vouchsafes to His weeping son whatever he is crying for”
~ Sri Ramakrishna
“Devotional practices are necessary only so long as tears of ecstasy do not flow at hearing the name of Hari.
He needs no devotional practices whose heart is moved to tears at the mere mention of the name of Hari.”
~ Sri Ramakrishna
“The waves belong to the Ganges, not the Ganges to the waves.
A man cannot realize God unless he gets rid of all such egotistic ideas as ‘I am such an important man’ or ‘I am so and so’.
Level the mound of ‘I’ to the ground by dissolving it with tears of devotion.”
~ Sri Ramakrishna
“Even avatars have to desire to be in God in every moment.
And when avatars die, they desire with all their being to be united with God. …..
Look at Ramakrishna. How much he wept and prayed for the Divine Mother.”
~ Mother Meera to Andrew Harvey, “Hidden Journey”, Page 236
“Your tears were collected by the angels and were placed in a golden chalice,
and you will find them when you present yourself before God.”
~ St. Padre Pio of Pietrelcina
Tears are the solution
for dissolution
of other in Mother –
Mother of All,
Mother of Mystery –
Divine Mother LOVE.
~ Ron Rattner, Sutra Sayings
Introduction to Crying For God “The Gift Of Tears” ~ Ron’s Memoirs
Dear Friends,
At age ninety, I’m updating important memoirs with present perspectives, as I keep learning.
Today’s posting discusses and summarizes my devotional spiritual path of crying for God, with initial emphasis on the Christian idea of “The Gift Of Tears”, rather than the Hindu sacred scripture’s Bhakti path of loving devotion.
My adult crying background
In 1966 and 1971 I attended and cried on birth of my children, Jessica and Joshua. Otherwise I don’t remember crying as an adult, until my 1976 mid-life spiritual awakening at age forty three.
Then, upon initially realizing my true Self-identity as universal consciousness, rather than my mortal body, I spontaneously shed heartfelt tears for twenty four hours, and often thereafter.
Soon after that unforgettable 1976 awakening, I realized that I was crying for God, with intense longing. (See Beholding The Eternal Light Of Consciousness.)
Then after meeting my beloved Guruji, Shri Dhyanyogi Madhusudandas in 1978, I learned that I’d been immensely blessed with the spiritual path of Divine devotion – the path of Love.
My heartfelt longing and crying for God was an extraordinary spiritual blessing recognized in all devotional paths and known in Hinduism as Bhakti the path of loving devotion, and in Christianity as “the gift of tears”.
Though never a frequent flyer, I became – and remain – a very frequent crier. Devotional tears have purified my body and nervous system bestowing ‘peek experiences’ of higher states of consciousness. And I’ve regularly had numerous other experiences, feelings and sensations that have advanced my spiritual evolution.
For example, when not crying I often had what I’ve called ‘alternative LSD experiences’ of spontaneous – and sometimes ecstatic – Laughing, Singing, and Dancing. At age ninety, my singing and dancing have been limited, but I still often privately experience spontaneous outbursts of laughing, crying, and calling to God.
My experiences with Crying For God as “The Gift Of Tears”
In 1982 and 1992 I made pilgrimages to India and Italy to pay respects to Guruji and to Saint Francis of Assisi, who had become my favorite saint and an archetype to be emulated.
In India I experienced unforgettable déja vu at various holy places especially at Dakshineshwar in the room where Sri Ramakrisha Paramahansa lived and gave satsangs.
In Italy I spent over a week in and around the beautiful Umbrian town Assisi where Saint Francis was born and resided for most of his extraordinary life. There, with intense tear-laden emotion of devotion, i had some of the most memorable spiritual experiences of this blessed ninety year lifetime.
Discovering’ that Saint Francis of Assisi and Sri Ramakrishna Paramahansa were incarnate prophets of Love
After learning that I’d been immensely blessed with Divine devotion – the path of Love, I became most inspired by and identified with Saint Francis of Assisi and Sri Ramakrishna Paramahansa as incarnate prophets of Love. Both were extremely devotional ascetics with “The Gift of Tears” who renounced worldly pleasures, and with whom I’ve identified more than any other saint or sage yet known to me.
How Saint Francis emulated Jesus
Saint Francis of Assisi was and is the most renowned Christian emulator of Jesus Christ. In midlife he renounced and relinquished all his worldly possessions and privileges as son of a wealthy merchant, to live reclusively in the Umbrian countryside; and later to establish an exemplary order of Franciscan Friars who gave away all possessions and survived only on alms while preaching in the streets to common people. Saint Francis so completely identified with Jesus that as apostle of Love, near the end of his earthly life, he became the first saint in history to miraculously receive crucifixion stigmata.
How Sri Ramakrishna Saw Jesus Merge Into His Heart
Born a Hindu brahmin, Sri Ramakrisha attained Self-Realization by following Vedic devotional practices to the Divine Mother, as well as those of all other major religions, including Christianity.
His conversion to Christianity was extraordinarily dramatic. Jesus Christ appeared to him in a Dakshineshwar garden and merged into his Heart. And he recounted to trusted devotees the following remarkable revelation of how this happened:
How Sri Ramakrishna Saw Jesus Merge Into His Heart
“There were some good pictures hanging on the walls of that room. One of those pictures was that of the child Jesus in his mother’s lap.
The Master used to say that he . . was looking intently at that picture and thinking of the extraordinary life of Jesus, when he felt that the picture came to life, and effulgent rays of light, coming out from the bodies of the Mother and the Child, entered into his heart and changed radically all the ideas of his mind!
On finding that all the inborn Hindu impressions disappeared into a secluded corner of his mind and that different ones arose in it, he tried in various ways to control himself and prayed earnestly to the divine Mother (Kali), “What strange changes art Thou bringing about in me, Mother?” But nothing availed.
Rising with a great force, the waves of those impressions completely submerged the Hindu ideas in his mind. His love and devotion to the Devas (Gods) and Devis (Goddesses) vanished, and in their stead, a great faith in and reverence for Jesus and his religion occupied his mind, and began to show him Christian padres (priests) offering incense and light before the image of Jesus in the Church and to reveal to him the eagerness of their hearts as is seen in their earnest prayers.
The Master came back to Dakshineswar temple and remained constantly absorbed in the meditation of those inner happenings. He forgot altogether to go to the temple of the divine Mother (Kali) and pay obeisance to Her. The waves of those ideas had mastery over his mind in that manner for three days.
At last, when the third day was about to close, the Master saw, while walking under the Panchavati (grove of 5 sacred trees), that a marvelous god-man of very fair complexion was coming towards him, looking steadfastly at him.
As soon as the Master saw that person, he knew that he was a foreigner. He saw that his long eyes had produced a wonderful beauty in his face, and the tip of his nose, though a little flat, did not at all impair that beauty. The Master was charmed to see the extraordinary divine expression of that handsome face, and wondered who he was.
Very soon the person approached him and from the bottom of the Master’s pure heart came out with a ringing sound, the words, “Jesus! Jesus the Christ, the great Yogi, the loving Son of God, one with the Father, who gave his heart’s blood and put up with endless torture in order to deliver men from sorrow and misery!”
Jesus, the god-man, then embraced the Master and disappeared into his body and the Master entered into ecstasy (Bhav Samadhi), lost normal consciousness and remained identified for some time with the Omnipresent Brahman (God, the Ocean of Consciousness) with attributes.”
~ Sri Ramakrishna the Great Master by Swami Saradananda (pages 414 to 416).
How Jesus has inspired me
Like St. Francis and Sri Ramakrishna I too have become intensely inspired by Jesus Christ who voluntarily incarnated into a mortal human body susceptible to physical pain and suffering to inspire and prophetically guide Humankind to societal and spiritual renaissance. I regard Jesus as the historically most elevated exemplar and teacher of non-judgmental Divine Love and universal forgiveness.
Also, like countless others, I’m greatly inspired by his social justice activities of exposing Pharisees hypocrites who didn’t practice what they preached, and greedy people who defiled the sacred temple with courtyard commercial and money-lending activities.
Conclusion
Because I’ve recently been most inspired by Christian devotion to God, this memoir chapter about my spiritual path of crying for God emphasizes the Christian idea of “The Gift Of Tears”, rather than the Hindu Bhakti path of loving devotion.
And it hereafter summarizes biblical passages about tears from an opened heart as a gift of grace from God,.
“The Gift Of Tears” Biblical Background
The “Gift of Tears” is not explicitly mentioned in the Bible, But it is discussed in spiritual writings since early in the Christian Orthodox Church, as an intense emotional/physiological personal spiritual experience of Divine Love that instinctively overflows in tears.
The Desert Fathers or Desert Monks were early Christian hermits and ascetics, who as monks and nuns lived primarily in a desert of Egypt in the third century AD., and were a major influence on the development of Christianity.
They had high regard for “the gift of tears” as bestowing deep heartfelt comfort for those it blessed, and (sometimes) for others who witnessed it.
In the New Testament, Jesus wept at the tomb of Lazarus. He also wept over the city of Jerusalem. Also Mary Magdalen, who was present at both the crucifixion and resurrection of Jesus also washed Jesus’ feet with tears of repentance and love in the home of a Pharisee who considered her a prostitute.
Likewise many Christian saints wept. From St. Catherine of Sienna, to whom Jesus telepathically dictated a treatise on tears, to St. Ignatius, who was advised that his copious tears could harm his eyesight. Also as a novice, Padre Pio placed a large handkerchief on the floor in front of him because his constant tears were staining it. St. John Vianney could not speak of sinners and sins without weeping. St. Augustine said that “Tears are the heart’s blood,” referring to the tears of his mother Monica, which motivated his conversion.
Dedication
In prior memoir postings I’ve explained that I’ve accepted Eastern nondualism wisdom teachings as fundamental, while remaining primarily spiritually devotional. Also I explained that we have unique dharmic paths and perspectives. So each of us must follow our hearts for spiritual evolution.
Whatever our unique path, these SillySutras postings are deeply dedicated to helping us find ever growing happiness in life, as we lovingly evolve to ultimate Truth beyond ego-mind illusion.
May the above teachings and quotations inspire our understanding of importance of the emotion of devotion, and of longing for God with “the gift of tears”.
And so may it be!
Ron Rattner
Why Does Everyone Want Happiness?
“Happiness is the meaning and the purpose of life,
the whole aim and end of human existence.”
~ Aristotle
“The purpose of our lives is to be happy.”
~ Dalai Lama
“From the moment of birth every human being wants happiness and does not want suffering. Neither social conditioning nor education nor ideology affects this. From the very core of our being, we simply desire contentment. Therefore, it is important to discover what will bring about the greatest degree of happiness.”
~ Dalai Lama
“The world is so unhappy because it is ignorant of the true Self. Man’s real nature is happiness. Happiness is inborn in the true Self. Man’s search for happiness is an unconscious search for his true Self. The true Self is imperishable; therefore, when a man finds it, he finds a happiness which does not come to an end.”
~ Sri Ramana Maharshi.
“The purpose of religious lectures and sermons is to awaken in you that irresistible soul-longing for Him.”
~ Paramahansa Yogananda
“The desire to be one with God is the greatest of all.”
~ Paramahansa Yogananda
“The soul of man has been separated from its source, wandering in exile in a strange land – “I am stranger on earth” (Psalm 119:19-20) – ever yearning to return to that from which it first sprang, and cleave to the Soul of all souls.”
~ Ba’al Shem Tov, Hasidic master
“O God, you are my God – for you I long! For you my body yearns; for you my soul thirsts, like a land parched, lifeless and without water.”
~ Psalm 63:1
“The longing to go back to the source is present in each being from the very time that it is separated from the source by the veil of ignorance.”
~ Meyer Baba
Why Does Everyone Want Happiness?
Q. Why do all people want to be happy?
A. In seeking happiness, everyone is really seeking Self.
Knowingly or unknowingly, consciously or subconsciously, no matter who or where we are, no matter our age, gender or culture, all humans share a universal and irresistible instinct and desire to return to a soul-remembered original state of Divine Love, Peace and Oneness – a transcendent state beyond words or thoughts so marvelous that its subliminal memory magnetically attracts every sentient being to merge and be At-One with It.
No matter how spiritually evolved we may become, all incarnate human life-forms experience limitation and separation from Source. Though rare beings in deep meditation may transcend this state of seeming separation and limitation, it recurs when they are impelled to return to physicality or subtle form.
Thus great devotional beings like Rumi and Hafiz constantly yearned to return to the Beloved; ever longed for eternal transcendence of the inevitable limitations and sufferings of physical existence.
Rumi said:
From my first breath I have longed for Him –
This longing has become my life.
This longing has seen me grow old. . . .
Hafiz expressed his endless longing thusly:
“My soul endures a magnificent longing. … My pen does not have the ability to describe my condition of intense longing due to separation.”
Sri Ramana Maharshi, renowned twentieth century non-dualist sage, even after attaining self realization, reported regularly shedding tears of longing and devotion during visits to the ancient Meenakshi temple in Madurai. In recounting his experience, Maharshi explained that:
“The spirit therefore longed to have a fresh hold and hence the frequent visits to the temple and the overflow of the soul in profuse tears.”
This phenomenon of infinite longing of even “enlightened” beings was explained by Mother Meera in dialogue with spiritual author and teacher Andrew Harvey, and recounted as follows:
“Even avatars have to desire to be in God in every moment. And when avatars die, they desire with all their being to be united with God. ….. Look at Ramakrishna. How much he wept and prayed for the Divine Mother.”
~ Mother Meera to Andrew Harvey, “Hidden Journey”, Page 236
Thus, incarnation is limitation, and knowingly or unknowingly all beings – even sages – long for transcendence of that limitation. For most humans longing for transcendence is subliminal and experienced as wanting worldly contentment. But what we really seek is return to a soul-remembered state of timeless Oneness beyond any state of mind, beyond conception or imagination.
So, in seeking happiness, what we really seek is Source or Self.
Ron’s Explanation of “Why Does Everyone Want Happiness?”
Dear Friends,
The foregoing quotations and essay help explain why (knowingly or unknowingly) everyone wants lasting happiness.
For millennia wisdom teachers have counseled that
“The purpose of our lives is to be happy” (Dalai Lama).
And to find timeless happiness they tell us e.g. to
“Seek first the kingdom of heaven, which is within.” (Matthew 6:33; Luke 17:20-21)
Most incarnate humans perceive and project their self-identity reality only as impermanent mortal beings supposedly separate from Nature and eternally indivisible inner Self-awareness. And thus we futilely seek – but cannot find – lasting happiness through ever passing worldly pleasures and satisfactions, rather than through inner Self-identity as immortal spirit.
“Why Does Everyone Want Happiness?” suggests that all beings at least subliminally long for eternal happiness and transcendence of inevitable earthly limitations; that knowingly or unknowingly what we all really seek is return to a soul-remembered state of timeless Oneness as LOVE – beyond mental description, conception or imagination.
Thus, even elevated mystics like supreme Sufi poet masters Rumi and Hafiz reveal (in above quotations) their life-long tearful yearnings and longings for return to God.
Perhaps such life-long yearnings, by even the most elevated mystics or sages, can help us understand why inevitably incarnation is limitation.
And, perhaps our inevitable longings will inspire a new earthly era, as envisioned by Indian Sage Sri Aurobindo, who said:
“The goal is not to lose oneself in the Divine Consciousness. The goal is to let the Divine Consciousness penetrate into Matter and transform it.”
~ Sri Aurobindo – The Mother 15: p.191
Invocation
As each of us is drawn by irresistible inner longing toward Oneness with Eternal Light,
may we become instruments of Divine Consciousness on Earth.
And, let us thereby envision and exemplify an era of lasting peace of mind and happiness
for everyone everywhere.
And so may it be!
Ron Rattner
Meeting Mother Meera ~ Ron’s Memoirs
“Even avatars have to desire to be in God in every moment.
And when avatars die, they desire with all their being to be united with God. …..Look at Ramakrishna. How much he wept and prayed for the Divine Mother.”
~ Mother Meera to Andrew Harvey, “Hidden Journey”, Page 236
“’The visions that come from the Divine change you.
A real vision brings adoration of the Divine,
and in that adoration there can be no vanity. “
~ Mother Meera
“When you know that you are eternal,
you can play your true role in time.
When you know you are divine
you can become completely human.”
~ Mother Meera
Mother Meera
Introduction.
After Guruji returned to India in 1980, I remained open to learning from other spiritual teachers. From my experience with Guruji, I had learned that ‘sitting at the feet of a master’ can be quite auspicious. Thus though Guruji encouraged initiates to follow only his Kundalini Maha Yoga path, he didn’t discourage us from seeing other teachers. Once he told my friend Joy Massa, “I’ve learned from many teachers, why shouldn’t you.” So after meeting Guruji I met and learned from many other teachers.
Beginning in 1987, I was especially attracted to the devotional path of Amritanandamayi (Ammachi) of calling and crying to the Divine, and for seven years I attended many of her US darshans and regular programs at her San Ramon ashram. (See https://sillysutras.com/other-teachers-mata-amritanandamayi-ammachi-rons-memoirs/) But while drawn to Ammachi’s devotional path, I continued meeting other spiritual teachers. One of the most memorable was Mother Meera.
Learning of Mother Meera.
In 1991 I listened on New Dimensions radio to Andrew Harvey, masterfully interviewed about his spiritual teacher, Mother Meera, by my friend Michael Toms. I learned that Mother Meera was a young Indian woman who Harvey convincingly portrayed as an alleged avatar of Divine Mother channeling Divine Light (Paramatman). So I became quite curious about Mother Meera, and read “Hidden Journey, A Spiritual Awakening”, Harvey’s book eloquently describing her. Also, at that time a trusted spiritual friend told me of his very profound inner experiences with Mother Meera, which enhanced my interest in her.
Then, in January, 1992, just after my retirement as a San Francisco litigation attorney, I journeyed to India to pay respects to my then one hundred fourteen year old beloved Guruji, Shri Dhyanyogi Madhusudandas, and thereafter to visit my daughter Jessica who – then known as “Yogini” – was living an ascetic life on Ammachi’s ashram in Kerala.
While I visited Ammachi’s ashram, my curiosity about Mother Meera was heightened. I learned that Ammachi had dramatically required that all ashram library books about Mother Meera be removed and burned. So I wondered whether Ammachi regarded Mother Meera as a false ‘avatar’? Also, whether Ammachi was competitive with Mother Meera and other spiritual teachers and, if so, why? (* See footnote)
Meeting Mother Meera.
Later in 1992, on returning from India, I decided to journey to Italy to honor Saint Francis of Assisi, with whom I long felt deep inner rapport. On learning that Mother Meera had moved from India to Germany where she gave darshans at a small town near Frankfort, I decided to fly to Europe via Frankfort, and scheduled several days in Germany before flying to Italy.
So, in July, 1992, I traveled to Thalheim, Germany, where I had three powerful evening darshans with Mother Meera unlike any others I had experienced. In an atmosphere of total silence she blessed each devotee, one by one, with a seemingly unchanging expression. As each devotee would kneel before her in complete silence, she gently held their head in her hands for a few moments. Then, as instructed, each devotee sat up as she gazed into their eyes. We were told that during this ritual Mother Meera was clearing blocks and sharing divine light.
On the first of three nights, while awaiting my turn to approach Mother Meera, I started spontaneously crying and swaying. Whereupon her companion Adilakshmi asked me to be still. (Apparently, she didn’t want me to disturb the silent meditators.) As I awaited my darshan turn, it felt to me as if a gigantic Divine Presence was channelling light through an earthly female form, wherein no one was ‘at home’. I didn’t perceive any heavenly light shows, but I did experience a tremendous and almost palpable yet extraordinarily subtle energy unlike any other I could remember. So much energy was being radiated from her eyes that at times I distinctly felt her eyelids move, even when I was seated at the back of the darshan room filled with up to 200 other people.
Especially on the third night, on gazing into Mother Meera’s eyes, I felt as if I had received an immense blessing, but I have no words to describe it. Friends in the audience reported that the energy in the entire room seemed to change while she blessed me that night.
Outwardly Mother Meera’s darshans were very different from Ammachi’s darshans. There was not a single word or sound or smile that I perceived from her during the entire visit. Unlike Ammachi, Mother Meera didn’t overtly seem to encourage devotees to fall in love with her form. Everyone – including Andrew Harvey, who was there that weekend – seemed to get the same impersonal expression and the same darshan time.
Although I was extremely grateful for the blessing of my darshans with Mother Meera, I did not feel devotionally drawn to her as had happened with Ammachi.
Back To Ammachi.
I planned my 1992 pilgrimage to Assisi to coincide with Ammachi’s world tour appearance there. So after seeing Mother Meera in Germany I traveled to Assisi where – as well as communing with beloved Saint Francis – I attended two Ammachi darshans. (See https://sillysutras.com/pilgrimage-to-assisi-communing-with-saint-francis-rons-memoirs/) Also, I was able to briefly see my daughter Jessica who was traveling in Ammachi’s entourage.
In contrast to the silent Mother Meera satsangs attended by no more than two hundred people, there were up to fifteen hundred people attending Ammachi’s Assisi programs, with a carnival-like atmosphere that troubled me, and I was told there were even bigger crowds in France. Also, I learned to my distress that in preparing the large Assisi spiritual venue for Ammachi some of her devotees had covered up pictures of other spiritual teachers which were on permanent display there.
Nonetheless, I had blissful experiences during the Ammachi darshans, where spontaneously I sang, and swayed, and cried to the Divine. During those darshans Jessica/“Yogini” was seated next to Ammachi – happily handing her flowers. Afterwards Jessica reported to me that one day Ammachi had pointed at me singing, swaying and crying, saying: “Ananda!”
Despite my mounting concerns about a growing atmosphere around Ammachi of adulation of the incarnate rather than adoration of the Infinite, I still felt much more resonant with Ammachi’s devotional path than with the austere silence of Mother Meera’s darshans. So – though gratefully I honored and respected Mother Meera – I never again attended her darshans, but continued seeing Ammachi.
Footnote.
*Ultimately, in 1995-6, I learned that Ammachi was competitive with Mother Meera and other teachers in a manner which was contrary to teachings of Guruji, Ramakrishna, and other teachers I respected. The “last straw” incident which sparked my realization of Ammachi’s competitiveness traumatically ended my faith in her as a teacher. It involved another acclaimed Indian Divine Mother avatar, Shri Amma Karunamayi and is confirmed in the recently published memoir of Gail Tredwell (aka “Gayatri” or “Swamini Amritaprana”), who for twenty years was Ammachi’s revered first and closest Western female devotee. (See “Holy Hell, A Memoir of Faith, Devotion and Pure Madness”, pp. 264-6 )
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